Business & Economy
UK Firms Find Turnover Has Joined The Uncertainty Queue
Only 12 per cent of UK trading businesses reported higher August turnover, leaving optimism to be shared out with a very small spoon.
Felicity Bunce
Felicity has been in a six-year dispute with a supermarket loyalty scheme over seven missing points. She owns a filing cabinet containing every receipt issued to her since 1993 and has successfully returned a toaster on the grounds that “the toast had become complacent.” Retailers generally know her simply as Mrs Bunce Again.
Science & Technology
Asteroid Features Named While Britain Loses the Pothole
Asteroid features now have official names and coordinates while Britain treats potholes as experimental local geography.
UK Politics & Public Life
Build Baby Build Slogan Turns Three Words Into Homes
The government’s build baby build housing push repeats its central verb until four verbal homes appear, complete with press access and no drains.
Culture & Entertainment
Slow Cinema Lets The Landscape Fire The Plot
Tsai’s Back Home lets a rural Laos landscape carry the film, leaving Hollywood’s plot machinery waiting outside the village.
Sport
Rain Qualifies For Disability Premier League Final
Rain abandoned four Disability Premier League fixtures at Colwall, sending Tridents into a final against unbeaten Pirates without a ball being bowled.
World
Essential Medicines List Finds More Essentials
The essential medicines list now includes more cancer and diabetes treatments, after patients submitted the radical criterion of needing them.
Health & Lifestyle
Energy Drinks Ban Puts Classroom Voltage On Standby
A proposed energy drinks ban for under 16s promises calmer classrooms, fewer vibrating pupils and tea’s continued reign.
Travel & Transport
Rail Ticket App Follows Passenger Until It Understands The Fare
A GPS rail ticket app promises the best daily fare, provided passengers can keep their phones alive through the journey.
Business & Economy
ONS Finds Britain’s Economy Doing Something
The ONS has released real time economic indicators tracking Britain through experimental data, rapid surveys and a dashboard that wants a verb.
Science & Technology
Plant Productivity Gets An Extremely Remote Manager
NASA’s PACE satellite is helping researchers map plant productivity from orbit, giving every crop an extremely remote performance review.