Science & Technology
Small Satellites Asked To Explain Universe Before Lunch
Small satellites face a large universe, a tiny budget and the annual expectation that an intern can explain dark matter by lunch.
The Lawn · Collected editions
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Page 90 · 8 Apr 2025 to 3 Apr 2025
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Health & Lifestyle
Medical Gloves Told Their Hands Are Still Their Problem
Medical gloves are reminded that hand hygiene still exists, despite a national belief in the spiritual powers of blue rubber.
Culture & Entertainment
Golden Hinde Quiz Rules Knowing The Year An Unfair Advantage
The Golden Hinde pub quiz tests history, trivia and whether knowing the current year counts as suspiciously specialist knowledge.
Business & Economy
Gambling Commission Backs Safer Betting On Another Review
The Gambling Commission business plan promises safer betting, illegal-market action and a review so thorough it may need its own regulator.
World
International Day of Sport finds peace until handball claim
International Day of Sport finds peace until a handball claim turns 37 delegates into the world’s least helpful football team.
UK Politics & Public Life
Huge Income Boost Of £150 Asked To Cover Entire Year Without Fuss
Benefit uprating sends £150 to face a year’s bills, then gives it an adjective and a polite briefing.
Travel & Transport
Shropshire Bus Timetable Becomes First Service To Turn Up
Shropshire bus timetable arrives perfectly on time, unlike buses, and gives passengers a precise new way to be disappointed.
UK Politics & Public Life
EU Decides Peace Symbol Probably Had It Coming
Bureaucrats conclude iconic bird guilty of ‘unauthorised tranquillity’ and failing to file appropriate hope permits. BRUSSELS – Forget olive branches. The European Union just declared open season on the European…
Science & Technology
Mars May Have Had Life, ESA Checks It Has Parking
ESA's Hera Mars flyby surveys Oxia Planum for a 2030 rover, proving even a dead planet needs a property inspection before science can begin.
Business & Economy
Civil Servants Spend Weeks Deciding if Retaliatory Tariff Should Apply to Peanut Butter Cups
Emergency Subcommittee Formed to Analyse Chocolate-to-Peanut Butter Ratio Impact on National Morale UPPER PIDDLEWORTH – Forget cars or steel. Britain’s crack team of trade negotiators faces its real challenge: American…
UK Politics & Public Life
Stabbing Statistics Confirm School Still Excellent Preparation For Modern Britain
Ministry lauds accidental curriculum for fostering ‘essential street-level resilience’ and ‘enhanced evasive manoeuvring’. In findings described as “unintentionally gratifying,” the latest government statistics revealing a rise in serious knife incidents…
Health & Lifestyle
Winter Viruses Ask If 600,000 NHS Bed Days Earn a Free Coffee
Four winter viruses turn nearly 600,000 NHS bed days into the only loyalty scheme the public was never invited to join.