Health & Lifestyle
NHS medtech rules put the cheapest stapler on trial
NHS medtech procurement rules will weigh patient outcomes and value, leaving the cheapest stapler to defend its entire career.
The Lawn · Collected editions
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Culture & Entertainment
Music Export Growth Scheme sends 58 acts abroad, amp seeks diplomatic immunity
The Music Export Growth Scheme backs 58 independent acts to tour abroad, while one amplifier insists it qualifies for diplomatic protection.
Business & Economy
Business borrowing hits £8.6bn, calculator seeks privacy
Business borrowing reached £8.6bn in May, leaving an office calculator to seek privacy while the financial figures acquire emotional significance.
World
Pact for the Future gets six working groups, future politely asks for a numbered ticket
The Pact for the Future gains six working groups, leaving tomorrow to queue for a lanyard, a meeting room and permission to begin.
UK Politics & Public Life
Civil Service Relocation Plan Gives Ficus Promotion
The civil service relocation plan moves thousands of roles around the UK, while one office ficus begins its regional policy career.
Travel & Transport
Rail Watchdog Puts Loudspeaker On Notice For Due Shortly
A proposed rail passenger watchdog promises clearer information, beginning with the loudspeaker that hides the platform as a surprise.
Sport
Sport England Farewell Strategy Needs Its Own Farewell
Tim Hollingsworth is due to leave Sport England in July, leaving a farewell strategy to seek guidance on its own future.
Science & Technology
Baltic Sea Bloom Meets The Instant Answer Machine
A bright Baltic Sea bloom leaves a satellite unable to identify every microscopic culprit, while experts resist the lure of instant certainty.
Health & Lifestyle
NHS Innovator Passport Gives Clipboard A Day Off
The NHS innovator passport aims to cut repeated checks, leaving one clipboard to mourn its ceremonial stamping career.
Culture & Entertainment
Creative industries plan gives £380m to a spreadsheet
A £380m creative industries plan promises growth, skills and investment, while the funding auditions for a starring role.
Business & Economy
May GDP dips 0.1% while the economy checks its pockets
May GDP fell 0.1%, while three month growth gave the economy another chart to hide behind as economists arranged their caveats.
World
Nice Ocean Action Plan Finds Consensus, Loses the Doing
The Nice Ocean Action Plan calls for urgent ocean work, while the sea waits for the declaration to locate the part marked ‘doing’.